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I come from a non-Christian background; my parents are non-Christians, no religion. I remember when I was about 10 asking my Dad – “Is there a God?” After a very uncomfortable silence he answered… “Ask yer Mum!!” So I did, as Mum’s know everything don’t they? After a very long and in-depth conversation with her about how churches and the ‘cults’ that go on in ‘those places’ were very bad and that the vicars only brain wash you, I was none the wiser!
That question “Is there a God?” played on my mind for years. I got married at 21 but still felt empty inside. My mother-in-law was a Christian and we had the odd chat about faith and what it meant to her. At 24 I had my son Morgan and decided to have him christened, afterwards I felt a hypocrite for getting him christened and not honouring God, so with Morgan’s great-Nan I took him to the church he was christened in. Morgan was 8 months old and like any normal child at that age he was unsettled and wanted to let everyone know he was there! The looks and frowns I received from the congregation was terrible, I felt so uncomfortable that I didn’t go again.
So that is how my faith stayed for a very long time, in the closet!!!!
After 11 years of a very rocky marriage and the upset of my mother in law dying of cancer, we went are separate ways, we got divorced and I became a ‘divorcee’ which I found very hard to deal with.
I went off the rails completely and the occasions I didn’t have my son, I drank, smoked dope and slept around and this was my life for a year or more. A close friend of mine in Oxford, Gill, and a Christian was very worried about me, when I used to go and stay with her she would ask me every time “coming to church with me mate?” I would give her the same answer as before “maybe next time mate!”
After a year of pushing Gill and her faith away I gave in and when I stayed with her in august 06 I was waiting for her in the kitchen Sunday Morning ready for Church!!
Wow! what a buzz I got from that first visit, I drove home back to Cerne Abbas singing their worship songs. That was it I, needed more of this buzz and I needed to find a church in Dorchester, because lets face it, a round trip of 240 miles is a long way to go every Sunday!!!
Wasn’t sure why at the time, but the only Church that ‘called out to me’ was Dorchester Community Church. I drove past the Church a fair few times, but could not pluck up the courage to go in on my own!! On the 5th of October 06 I went out on a blind date, we got on fantastically well and I was lost for words when my date told me he was a Christian and a member of Dorchester Community Church!! Well that date became my husband in August 07 and we started going to church together.
After a while I thought yep I feel as if I am changing I think I am a Christian!!!
Rich and I had some very deep and fascinating conversations about my faith and where I thought I was at on my journey, deep down I was troubled that I didn’t have that wow feeling, its almost like when you ask some one how do you know when you fall in love? The answer is you just do by the butterfly feeling you have in your stomach and how much you just want more of that feeling. Well I wanted to feel that way with my faith, I wanted to be able to say “hey look at me every one, I have found this worship thing and I love it”!!! But I couldn’t because I wasn’t sure.
I decided to go on the Alpha course and, week by week things were clicking in to place and I felt that my faith was getting stronger. I would come home and be completely buzzing from the nights discussion.
On the 12th of April 2008 my life completely changed. On that day we, the ‘Alpha gang’ met at church in the afternoon for a discussion on the Holy Spirit – What a day! Bit by bit as the hours ticked by I could feel that this is now “me”, my future, Kay Cox the Christian – I was loving it. By the end of the day I was filled to over-flowing with the Holy Spirit, the missing piece of the puzzle had been nicely put in to place and I was finally ‘complete’. I felt like I unzipped my body and a new me stepped out, leaving my past and my sins behind.
I want to shout it from the roof tops – “Hey every one look at me, I worship and love God and Its ace”!!!!
On Sunday 22nd June 2008 I was baptised at Dorchester Community Church, two special passages from the Bible I’d like to share with you that were read out in church on my ‘special day’ were from the book of Isaiah 25:1-9 and Isaiah 26:3-4.